Welcome to Life, Kalyani!

Welcome to Life, Kalyani!

Well, just one day (!) after my previous post my waters broke and I was admitted to the hospital… Two days more and she was here. Yes, everybody got it wrong: it’s a girl. And I am delighted that she is. Now that she’s here, I’m happier with a girl than with a boy, as though it was an evidence. Also, I remember I only dreamt of the baby once, quite early in pregnancy, and she had been a girl in my dream. Maybe I should just have listened to my own subconscious. But then it doesn’t matter anyway…

Pregnancy in India: birth

And so she was born last week, on 11 March at 2:21 am. She weighed 2.5kg. And she’s the cutest ever. Delivery could not have happened any better. Everything was so perfect that it blows my mind away. The fact that I came to Varanasi for birth was perfect. The flat was perfect. The hospital was perfect. Kalyani came early so that my dearest friend Marie could not only assist the birth, but also stay a week afterwards to be with me (and cook for me every evening!) before her visa expired. (She’s just left tonight.) My friends have been perfect. The fact that I was away from the overwhelming in-laws and their different rules and habits was perfect. And Kishan, too, although he was so anxious about, and completely unable to prepare for birth all these months, has been absolutely perfect. I was in total control throughout labour and delivery. Birth is such an incredible, powerful thing, and I’m thrilled I have experienced it in my life. Of course I’ve been thinking about writing all about it on this blog, but there is just so much, and it’s been impossible to write earlier. Hopefully I will find the time and energy to write about it soon enough… But for now, now that I’ve found a little time, I’m just going to go with the flow…

She is sleeping right now. She’s very quiet and very calm. She hardly cries. She seems content all the time. I was always scared of holding tiny babies, but it’s true than when it’s yours, you just get on with it fine… No choice. Just love, and everything is fine. I’m surprisingly calm about looking after her as well, very confident. It’s just so different when the baby’s yours! Full of love – I’ll probably repeat that one – Love love love, I have so much love for this little human being who has (everyone says) my eyes, my mouth, and Kishan’s nose. I was dreaming of a baby with Kishan’s nose, because I love his nose. And she has Kishan’s nose. Actually, I had already recognised that little round nose on the fifth month’s ultrasound, hehe.

leela

OK, maybe I should write about the birth after all. Or not. I think I’m still a bit tired, or no, I think I’m sometimes just too scared to think life is still normal and I can forget about everything – and forget about Kalyani – and write. Even if she’s just sleeping like a little angel, behind me, and I’m turning my head round every two minutes to see that she’s OK. She’s just so small and so petite! So tiny! She was born 3 weeks early. The doctor had said we might have to take her to a nursery after birth in case if she’s too small or she can’t breastfeed well (bullshit!) but she’s very alert, and she’s a champion at breastfeeding! I have a lot of milk too, and it’s so, so, so nice to breastfeed this little angel. Oxytocin, the love hormone, working for you…

Sometimes I look at her and I have to pinch myself to believe that she’s here. Last week I had that big bulky belly. Today my belly’s almost flat and I have a wee being to look after. So weird, yet so normal and so natural. Life is a miracle! And there’s infinite devotion in me for that little one. For years I hadn’t wanted any children. Then I realised I was getting older, and Kishan so wanted a child, and yes, I had ended up wanting a baby just to know that feeling, to know what it feels to love like a mother. To know that different type of love. And yes, it’s so true and so real and so strong. It brings tears to my eyes. I could look at her for hours without being bored – used to find my sister boring for doing the same with her own children! And now look at me. The magic of motherhood.

Kalyani & Ganga

Kalyani & Ganga

Yesterday we went out with her for the first time. It was so nice for me to come out after an entire week, in the cool evening near the river Ganges. It was wonderful to carry her in the baby-carrier, against my tummy. My little Kalyani, born in Varanasi by the holy river – we had to go to take some photos, right? She attracted a lot of people’s attention! Most women here after birth don’t go out at all for 40 days. My sister-in-law again told me on the phone not to walk too much. But I believe being (somewhat – one has to be careful of course) active speeds up the recovery. And we took those dreamed pictures – Kalyani by the river Ganges, at one-week old. But soon it was dark and traffic got a little crazy, and oh, so many mosquitoes. So quickly we went back home. She was quiet throughout though, safe against Mummy’s tummy I guess. She’s just so easy…

OK and now I’m tired to write more. Soon there will be a blog entry about the birth, I hope. Because everything was so perfect and so amazing… The Universe is good to me! To us!

 

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2018-11-26T06:50:41+00:00March 18th, 2016|Motherhood, Pregnancy in India|

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